Part I:
Freewriting
In your journal: Either in a series of bullet points or freewriting explore
the following as they pertain to you:
“Nature” – Ethnicity, Race, Gender,
Sexuality, Personality
Institutional – Nationality, Religion,
Profession
Discourse – Environmentalist,
Feminist, Libertarian, Marxist, Vegan
Affinity – Scouts, Teenager, Goth,
Part II: Journal
Reflection
In your journal: Once you have compiled a comprehensive list, write about the
experiences you have had with each. Do
not hold back. Some will offer more
passionate responses than others will. Some may upset you. Some may even surprise you.
This will be part of an on-going exploration as we examine
the narrative that is our lives. We are
all protagonists, characters narrating our existences through our first person
point of view. Remember, there is a
third person narrator - dual narrative if you will - telling the story of
us. Let your voice be the true war story.
Part III: Blog
Discussion
“Natural”- I’m a 16 year old girl whose ethnicity is chinese, my mom and dad were born in China but in different parts. My mom was born in Guangzhou, while my dad was born in Hong Kong. When my parents immigrated to the U.S. they met each other there and fell in love. They soon got married and had two daughters. I have an older sister named Tiana who is in college and attends University of New Hampshire. I’m a very social person and love to make new friends. Someday, I can be very happy and energetic, but some days I’m emotional and just want to be left alone. I love to help my friends with serious situations when they are sad and need help. But I also have amazing friends myself when it comes to a situation when I’m feelings down. They always know how to make me feel better and they also give amazing advice because they know what’s best for me. I get nervous, shy, and conceal myself when I meet certain people that make me feel uncomfortable. I have major trust issues from what happened in the past. There will also be a big wall that will need to be broken by some people in order for me to trust them with my personal life. But the worst of all I love to conceal my emotions. I don’t like to show my emotions or affections towards everyone because it scares me. I feel like if I showed my emotions and I talk to them about my problems then they would get annoyed.
ReplyDeleteI have my own walls too, so I relate with what you wrote in that it takes a long time for someone to gain enough of my trust for me to put down my walls. However, I am the worst at hiding my emotions, because my facial expressions give me away too easily.
Delete“Fearful”- Ever since I was little I have been fearful, everyone is when they are young. It starts with basic fear like being without your parents when they have a date night or if you lose them in a crowd. But without you knowing it your fear starts progressing in life. In some instances you can get over your fear, like public speaking or for me not breathing. That was I believe my second big fear when I was little. My grandmother and I were swimming when all of a sudden I was underwater. I remember my eyes opened and I could see the pool wall, but I couldn't swim. I couldn't breath… that was when I panicked. I started scrambling, my arms frantically moving, but I wasn't moving any closer to the surface of the pool. I swallowed water screaming I remember that was the first time I got water in my nose, and it caused the back of my throat to burn. I was eventually relieved of the torture when my mom scooped me out of the water and I coughed up all the water, my breathing shaking. That fear carried on for years as I have asthma, but as I grew up I just became so accompanied to the feeling that I got used to it. There is one fear that has followed me from when I was little and that is losing people I love. It's a fear many people have because no one wants to lose someone who means so much to them. For me the fear is so huge that I sometimes refuse to get into situations where I will love someone. It has become such a huge role and common occurrence that I have started to reel myself back from people, even if it hurts to be away from them. I tend to carry my fears with me and it can keep me from fun situations, people, and life.
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DeleteI can relate with this. As a kid, I always struggled to talk clearly. I had speech lessons in elementary school. That, coupled with a natural shyness, lead to a fear of public speaking. Fortunately, due to time a hard work, I have learned to overcome this fear.
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ReplyDeleteYou know, I haven't ever had a direct negative experience related to being queer, but there are so many little things that build up in everyday life. Take the club fair last year. I am part of the schools GSA, and we had a table in the center of the fair area. I was sitting there with nearly the entire club (somehow we all ended up with the same lunch)and we were having a good time. But there was a group of boys that stood just past the table who pointed, laughed, and whispered about us the entire lunch. And none of us did anything about it, because it was normal. I have heard so many dismissive, derogatory, or outright hateful things directed at people like me, like my friends, for all of my life. I have heard my community insulted so many times by my own family, my classmates, even some of you in this very class, and I'm just so done with it. When all you hear about yourself is stereotypes, or that you're faking it, or that there is something wrong with you, it starts to get to you, and I think it has really effected not who I am, but how I see and react to others.
ReplyDeleteI can attest to this completely, as a person who is entirely undecided about most things including the sexuality things people often have a lot of hate for those who are different. This is one of those situations in which I know that a person isn't necessarily bad they just don't understand and don't wish to make to the effort to change that. One can only hope people learn to be more tolerant.
DeletePersonality - I'm a strong believer in happy endings and tend not to dwell on sad happenings. Because of this, I’m optimistic about almost everything, and I constantly have a bigger and better dream for my future. Though life isn’t always fun, I know I will live happily ever after through the challenges thrown at me. I’m so innocent to the point where I annoy people because I have no idea what they’re talking about (believe me, all my friends can attest to this). I miss a lot of jokes, which makes me a target for laughter but that’s okay. Fun fact: I got a 100 on the Rice purity test.
ReplyDeleteI'm also a perfectionist and workaholic, which do not go well hand in hand, but they drive me forward in life. The perfectionism causes me to tend to have a hard time putting the final touches on anything (whether it be a project, essay, or stuffed animal) but I'm working on curbing that behavior. Humans make mistakes, and since I’m human too, I’m trying to let myself make mistakes instead of feeling the need to be perfect all the time. I like to be productive 24/7, but I'm trying to relax more and have fun instead of feeling confined by working all the time.
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DeleteI relate to your positive personality. I also like to at least try to be optimistic. I think that it can really make a difference. If your positive about something, like that your going to have a good day, it just feels much more likely to pan out that way.
DeleteEllie
I relate to this so much. I got a 96 on the same test and it always takes me a while to figure out some of my friend's jokes. Like Ellie said, I also relate a lot to your positive and perfectionist attitude! I'm a very hard worker as well which, as you mentioned, does not pair well with the perfectionist aspect.
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ReplyDelete
DeleteStudent - Although being a student can be very tough at times with hours of homework, bad partners for a project, a bad grade on a test, and finals, I have a lot of positive and funny memories about my life as a student. To begin with, I have made most of my friendships through my life as a student, and still talk to most of the people that I became friends with in middle school. I also remember a lot of fun projects that I had in school like acting out a scene from The Adventure of Tom Sawyer in front of my english class and inserting a “Life Alert” joke. However, having fun in school often requires friends which can be tough in very exclusive friend environments. When I moved from Germany to Andover, in the summer, I had a tutor to teach me english over the summer, which although successful, left me with a brutal accent. It was hard to find friends in the beginning, as I did not know anybody from elementary school like the other kids. For about 2 months I sat at my own lunch table and my best friend was the gym teacher. Over the years however, I made connections and became friends with a lot of people. Therefore, life as a student can be very boring, but also very fun if you make connections with others and reach out. - Alex Wessel
Yeah, homework is pretty annoying.
DeletePositive- Before people genuinely get to know me, they tend to make assumptions. Most just identify me as that sweet and quiet (and somewhat naive) girl that's often mistaken for a freshman. Truthfully, I cannot argue with any of these traits. Though they do relate to me (especially the freshman one), they aren't all that define me. And yes, I do realize how cliche that last statement sounds, but it's inarguably true. Even though I'm a bit timid and shy, I consider myself very bright and positive. Oftentimes, I worry that my quietness overshadows these traits and people then don't think of me to be too cheery. But, to both my friends and I, my happy-go-lucky attitude is one of my most defining characteristics. I always channel this energy into whatever I'm focusing on, whether it be theatre or schoolwork or trying to cheer my friends up on a difficult day. However, what's strange is that, aside from my positivity, I'm also a fairly nervous person. It's quite the duality, if you think about it. But sometimes, the same things I'm optimistic about can also worry me (which makes no sense, I know). If I'm not feeling successful with my schoolwork, there's a very high chance that I'm worrying about it.
ReplyDeleteI am a 17 year old of Chinese descent. I have always been a carefree and somewhat talkative person. I remember a time in Chuck e Cheese where I ran off on my own and then ran into an arcade machine. Anyways, I don't really worry much about things like homework until the last minute where I stay up at midnight to do it. I never really have any interaction with my family. My parents are pretty much at work for the entire day and my brothers and 1 sister are actually living a life and taking care of themselves all around the age of 30 as of now. I wouldn't say I am outgoing, but I don't mind talking to other classmates and people outside of school. My school life has been pretty normal, nothing special about it. I have never been an overachiever.
ReplyDelete“Institutional”-
ReplyDeleteFor a while now I’ve been considering many different jobs and professions to study in college. I always dreamed of being a programmer, but now I realized that I hate programming and the structured lifestyle and office life that it confines you to. I realized that the passion that I once had for coding was destroyed after taking programming classes. The constant stress and being stripped of my freedom to code what I wanted to made me despise programming. The atmosphere in that class was suffocating, each single class in the introduction program was just being told what to do. The class didn’t teach how to code, the class taught how to follow instructions given by a machine. Luckily, the class got better as it progressed and stopped being so controlling and finicky. However, this permanently killed, and then ground into a fine paste, my aspirations to be the best programmer ever. Now that I’ve had my dreams crushed I can’t really think of anything else that I want to be. I really struggle with finding a purpose for my existence, as I feel like I have to continue being a programmer because of my parents pushing me to become one. I feel like I have no aspirations to justify living, and I don’t know if I can choose between the freedom to code what I want in exchange for the constant isolation that freelance work mandates if I ever do become a programmer. However, in spite of all of these beliefs I still feel content with my life because I know that my family will support me, no matter what decisions I make with my life.
“Otaku” The fact I love anime and am a leader of the anime club has affected who I am and how people view me.People tend to assume that all anime fans are cringey and socially akward. I admit the socially awkward part does describe me. A lot of people also think we all watch x-rated shows. While there are some people out there that like them there are many entertaining wholesome animes and many in between. I dwell in this inbetween category. One way this has affected me is at the club fair when people walked by my booth they would giggle and sometimes jokingly dare their friends to join. I love my club and will not let people's prejudices prevent me from doing what I like. Enough with the negatives there are many positives like finding a fellow otaku means instant friendship. It has also surprising forced me to become more social, like being a club leader and getting me out to events. This passion also led me to spend six weeks this summer at two different Japanese camps where I gained many fun experiences with people that share similar interests. I am meeting some of those friends at an anime con this Nov in NYC that I am very excited about.
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ReplyDeleteThe most impactful experience I have had with my ethnicity, was when my great aunt Joanne told me the story of how her father's family came to the United States. They had lived in Belarus up until the Holocaust when the nation was part of the Soviet Union. To avoid the Nazis, as they were Jewish, many of my ancestors left Belarus for the US. However some stayed and were shot into a mass grave. Those that had fled got identification from a man named "Clayton" and because C's were pronounced as S's in their language, they said their name was "Slayton" when they arrived in America. Their original surname had been Slepovich later shortened to Slepov. This story was eye opening for me and I even started a family tree. I have been looking into my family history for more than two years now and I find it rewarding.
ReplyDeleteInstitutional- I'm American, obviously, and I guess I'm also Roman Catholic. Well at least I'm supposed to be Roman Catholic, my family is. However, I don't remember the last time we just went to church for a Sunday morning mass. Sure I went through the required CCD classes to receive my first holy communion but to be honest, during my sophomore year, on the PSATs, I couldn't even recall the exact name of my religion; I ended up bubbling in Church of Christ, it sounded right. I consider myself more of an atheist anyways. I'm pretty science minded and that's what seems to make sense, mostly. But what's interesting is when things don't go well, or if I need something, or something to blame, that's when I find myself shifting away from factual to spiritual. I don't consider this good or bad, I let it happen. I just find it, interesting, it's probably an insight to some fascinating psychology.
ReplyDeleteEllie Yates
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ReplyDeleteMisunderstood- I’m a person who struggles to communicate but had everything to say, from this I frequently find myself misunderstood. At any given moment I could be thinking about the great significance of a flees existence in this world, the rhetorical connotation and the metaphorical meaning of it, but nothing comes out. I’m a total introvert and an over all incredibly awkward person, this is simply fact, but I’m often mistaken for dismissive or cold because of this. In the case of the flee, for example, I could being trying to say something very profound and all that would come out is ‘we’re all flees in the end.’ Because of my terrible inability to enunciate my thoughts I’ve always felt isolated. When I was younger I had great difficulty making friend because of it, I felt like I was missing out on some higher level of conversation. However, I now know, as a teenager who has taken part in higher level conversation,” I’m missing out on very little. Regardless I think I will forever be at a loss for words.
ReplyDeleteMy parents are Jehovah's Witnesses. Although i like to disassociate myself with them, i am still forced to go to their meetings by my parents. I'm not a religious person at all but the fact I've grown up as a Jehovahs Witness impacts my identity. We are not allowed to celebrate holidays or birthdays. My parents are more lenient so I've been to birthday parties, but i have only ever gone trick-or-treating twice in my life and I have never had a christmas tree or christmas decorations. When i tell other kids they act like I've been deprived of something amazing, but I don't feel the same since its been normal for me growing up. Another thing I've had to do is not put my hand on my heart or say it, but only stand for the pledge of allegiance. Every day since the first day of elementary school I've never put my hand on my heart. Although I've grown to disbelieve that faith, I still only stand for the pledge, it just feels natural to me. I hope one day when I'm not so dependent on my parents that I can leave the Jehovahs Witness organization, because I see it as a waste of time. (Isaac Mezher)
ReplyDeleteVegan/Depressed
ReplyDeleteFirst, thank you so much for these responses. I have been touched by each response, and decided to share mine with you as well. You are all really opening up, and I want you to know that it is okay to write about something neutral. There is something therapeutic about it, though.
Vegan. That is a word that I never thought would be connected to my sense of self, and now it has become a defining piece that perhaps has always been missing. Four years ago, just around Thanksgiving, actually, I decided that I was tired of feeling “tired.” I have dealt with depression all my life and needed to take medication in order to feel okay. I never felt like I had the right medication or dosage, and at the age of 40, I realized that there are things other than therapy and drugs that I could do to feel better. So, after Thanksgiving with the usual constant eating and spirits, I decided that I would give up drinking alcohol for good. I felt that I just did not need to have a drink at a party or with dinner, that perhaps the medication was not as effective because I continued to have 1-2 drinks a day. Doctors say that is okay, but the alcohol does mess around with our serotonin levels. One week after giving up alcohol, I noticed a huge change in my body, feeling less irritable and tired when I woke up in the morning. I have never touched it since. Three months later, I would give up coffee and trade it with tea. In fact, that was the progression. I would replace an old habit with a new one that would nourish me, instead of hinder. I stopped having a drink, and had more coffee. Then I replaced coffee with tea. I even passed on black tea and replaced it with green or herbal tea. I actually lost a friendship because of the alcohol thing. I guess it was no fun to go out if I would not drink, too. That also became a theme. “You don’t drink alcohol!” “You don’t drink coffee!”
Then in April, right after my wife’s family Orthodox Easter celebration with 4,365 meat courses and 376 cheese, my wife and I collapsed on the couch to watch Netflix. She fell asleep and I watched a documentary called “Food Choices.” I saw documentaries like this before, but this one really grabbed me. It was the right place and the right time. The health benefits were limitless. In addition, it just felt like common sense. For example, what is milk after all? It is a cocktail of hormones to make a small calf in a large cow in an incredibly short span of time. Why does it surprise us that it is makes us fat or sick? In addition, I saw PETA videos before, but looked the other way, and now I could look away no longer. We torture these animals. Further, I never knew how much the dairy and meat industry influences our environment.
The following day marked the first day of April break and I decided that I would become a vegan. I would not rest on that documentary alone. I went to Barnes & Noble and purchased books on the subject, and went to Whole Foods. I decided to replace favorite foods with healthy choices, eating only natural food. I limited process foods. I spent the week trying out new recipes and started an exercise program while I was at it. By the end of the week, I was in a zone. It did take two weeks for my stomach to adjust to the amount of fiber and vitamins were injecting. However, I immediately felt great. I eventually added swimming and bike racing into my life, and I feel better at 43 than I did at 23. Even now, when my veganism is addressed I feel a sense of pride. This is me. Of course, I thought that I no longer needed the medication, but that turned out to be wrong. I dipped into a deep depression by early June when I weaned myself off medication. I did finally find one that worked for me. My psychiatrist said that I am obviously working hard to improve my health, but there is a definite family history and a chemical imbalance that needed to be addressed. It was not my fault. That made me feel better about things - that depression is a disease that needs to be dealt with, perhaps with medication.
ReplyDeleteThe veganism and depression has made me feel a sense of loneliness that I find hard to explain. The veganism, especially. I know very few vegans, if any. I always knew that food is an event in our culture. Now that I am on the other side, it is amazing how many people get angry with me. Especially since it is no alcohol, coffee, meat or dairy. It is too much for some people, to have me even around not consuming while they are. I get teased a lot, which I am getting used to, but some people really take it too far. With regard to depression, that has always been a tricky thing to discuss, because people think that depression means either: “big baby” or “crazy.” Actually, many people say to me, “You seem so happy.” Well, I am. It does not work that way. In addition, I have been a master at hiding it, because who wants to be thought of as crazy or some whining person who cannot handle his problems. The aforementioned stereotype is why it took so long for me to feel better. I just felt it was all in my control. Do not get me wrong, the veganism and health regiment is great, but I really thought it was something I could “fix.”
Doing this exercise showed me how much these facets of self are connected. I could go one, but I think this is enough for this post. We will talk more.
“Authoritarian” - Being very authoritarian about many issues is a large part of my personal political philosophy. On issues like Internet privacy and usage, I believe the government needs to stay out of our business. I think acts like Net Neutrality need to remain in action in order to preserve the Internet and keep it how it is. However, I think the government does need to take action and control over things like health care. I also think that states being able to pick and choose limitations on things like guns and driving licences can be a problem. I think there should be a federal standard for background checks before purchasing weapons and that there should also be an improved federal standard for getting a driver’s license. In some states you only need to be 16, while in others you need a certain amount of practice, and I don't think these massive state-to-state differences are right.
ReplyDelete-Matthew Hebert
Nature - I’m a white guy from Andover. Right from the start, I was a very lucky person. I have a great family, live in a good neighborhood. I was born with a strong mind and body. I don’t really have anything to complain about. Because god has blessed me with all of theses gifts, I feel like I have a responsibility to give back to my community, and to use these advantages to their fullest potential. I try to give back to do community service whenever I can, whether it is through my church, or the tutoring club that I run, which helps exceptional students from the Lawrence middle schools apply to private high schools. I do well in school, and I try to push myself academically. I also play three varsity sports. I hope one day my hard work will pay off, but most importantly, I want my success to help others.
ReplyDelete-Eth
“Nature”-I am an African American male from Malawi, which is a landlocked country in southeast Africa. I grew up there and I haved lived there for thirteen years. I moved to the United States in the year 2014 and it has been a whole new experience for me. Nothing was as I had expected it, especially with the false reality that is portrayed in the media that we all watch. I like to consider myself as a very nice person who is very considerate about other people's opinions and I am always welcoming of new new things. In school I am doing pretty well in all my classes and my favourite sport is soccer. I also enjoy watching plenty of other sports as well such as football and basketball.
ReplyDelete'French Canadian'
ReplyDeleteThinking about my family's not-so-distant tie to Canada fills me with a lot more regret than I'd like to feel. This is because in all my 16 years of age, I have never set foot on Canadian soil, and know maybe three words of French. I take Spanish in school, and I've been to Spanish speaking countries before going to Canada. Most of my family lives in Maine, so I already feel somewhat disconnected from them. I've recently decided I'd like to do a DNA test, and my mom and I have been talking about hopefully trying to soon! I hope to learn more about my ancestry and visit Canada within the next few years so I can truly feel connected to my family's past.
- Jenna Shorey
Thanks for post:
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